


Ruin Me On My Terms

by gimmekensei



Category: Bleach
Genre: Both feel used, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Public Sex, Sad Ending, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:47:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gimmekensei/pseuds/gimmekensei
Summary: Kensei tried to do everything right in order to have a chance at being with Shuhei but it's easier said than done. Shuhei's feels still live in the past and it soon becomes apparent that Kensei's feelings aren't matched. The Captain should just leave Shuhei to his own devices, and yet it's not so simple to just leave him alone...(This is sad....just saying. So if you don't like that sorta thing, don't read.)
Relationships: Hisagi Shuuhei & Tousen Kaname, Hisagi Shuuhei/Muguruma Kensei
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Ruin Me On My Terms

_For once Kensei Muguruma wasn’t selfishly doing things for himself. The moment he’d seen the kid he had done everything he could to get himself back on his feet and patch up his ragged life. He went through all the stupid, teeth-grinding meetings and finally, finally got his Captain’s position back. The next move had been to get closer to his new Lieutenant, and hopefully, become a thing, but…_ _  
_ _  
_ It had been a surprise to Shuhei when his mentor had appeared alive and well, and even more startled when the male had become his Captain. He figured that the man came back because he missed the ninth division. Or perhaps he just missed living in Soul Society. But no matter the reason, Shuhei was too preoccupied to even notice the signs that his Captain was interested in him. He didn’t know until it was too late. It had been an utter shock when Rose and Shinji had cornered him and revealed that his Captain had been eyeing him up and apparently fully invested in them become something. He walked away meekly feeling flattered….but there was little else he could feel at that moment in time.   
  
Drunk from a night of visiting bars, Shuhei stumbled about, and finally, after a long period of trampling about, he found himself at the edge of Soul Society, right in front of where his former Captain was buried.   
  
“C-Captain…” Shuhei choked out, eyes watering, and dropped defeated to his knees. His hands clenched up, fisting the dirt and grass in his hands. Sobbing, his chest heaved as teardrops fell onto the back of his hands. Whether it was because of the sake in his system or not, broken words started to spill from the normally stoic lieutenant's lips.   
  
“W-Why...WHY!?!” His fists lifted to pound into the dirt, but little damage came from it because scraps forming on his fingers. Dirt got under his fingernails, but he didn’t care. All he could feel was the sharp aching in his chest, throbbing and tearing him up even further.   
  
“Y-You promised...promised..dammit….” Shuhei whimpered and with fifthly hands covered in Mother Earth, the teenager wiped his tears away, but it didn’t seem to help his cloudy vision. Nor did it help his looks. The mix of his salty tears and the dirt coating his hands smeared together, but again Shuhei couldn’t find it within himself to care.   
  
“P-Promised...how could you leave me then?” Hisagi sniffled, a strange calm settling in, but a sudden sharp cry tore itself from his trembling lips and that’s when it became apparent he wasn’t alone.   
  
“Shu…” Flashstepping forward from his hiding spot, the current Captain of the Ninth grabbed Shuhei’s wrists before he had even a chance to grab Kazeshini. Kensei had no idea what Shuhei might have done, but he didn’t want to just sit there in the background and wait to see what would happen. Because whatever would happen wouldn’t have been pretty.   
  
“He’s gone.” It was blunt and definitely not what the kid wanted to hear, but hell...Kensei couldn’t help be sorta pissed that Shuhei was still hung over Tousen. He knew the kid respected his former Captain, but he had now idea until now just how deeply Hisagi had been connected to Tousen. “He’s not coming back, kid.”   
  
“L-Leave me alone!” Titles and positions forgotten in Shuhei’s sudden rage flaring up, the broken man shoved the Captain away to break into a broken, heart-tugging laugh. A laugh that could totally compete with Kenpachi’s or Grimmjow’s. There was something utterly terrifying in how the kid threw his head back to laugh as if mocking the moon that stayed ever-present, shining its faint light down onto them.   
  
“Fell for my first Captain and he doesn’t return it. Second Captain has a thing for me...and I don’t return it.” Shuhei flashed a hollow grin at Kensei’s increasingly paling face. “My life’s fucked up, isn’t it? Well, fine. Fuck fate.” Shuhei stumbled a bit, still a feeling the effects of the earlier drunk sake, but soon he stood up to face the older man. “I’m already a mess...why not fuck me up further...Captain?” He hissed the last word as though it was poison.   
  
“Shu...you’re drunk. You’re not...thinking right…” Kensei whispered and felt helpless as Shuhei’s eyes seemed to continuously mock him.   
  
“I’m thinking perfectly fine….Captain.” Shuhei chuckled, the sound making the visored wince. “Think about it...you get to fuck your crush and I get to forget for a while. And,” Shuhei pressed a finger against Kensei’s opening lips to silence him.   
  
“I’m not looking for a pity party. So quiet looking at me like that. I’m sick of it…so get to it. Ruin me on my terms.” Hisagi snarled, only to smirk victoriously when Kensei gave in and yanked him in for a harsh clash of tongues.   
  
The entire time they did it right before Tousen’s grave, Kensei tried to remind himself that he had done everything he could...Shuhei had asked for this...it was okay...right? And as a name that didn’t belong to him spilled from Shuhei’s gasping lips as his climax hit, Kensei swallowed uncomfortably. It was fucked up, but he had to remind himself that they were both beyond the point of reason. How he still managed to stay hard and actually cum, was beyond the Captain. But feeling disgusting all over for allowing himself to play along with Shuhei’s self-hating, Kensei pulled out and tried to ignore how his seed oozed down Hisagi’s inner thighs, adding to the mess.   
  
Digging his fingers into his hair and letting his nails scrape his scalp, Muguruma stiffened when a hand smaller than his suddenly rested itself on his knee. That touch meant so many things, but none of it mattered. Kensei felt so used...he couldn’t replace Tousen, and yet he still needed Shuhei….even though he hated that he still gave a damn.   
  
Loving really fucking hurt.   
  
At least that was something they both could agree on.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I was in a grumpy mood when writing this and listening to "I hate you, I love you" on repeat and this came from it. Normally I hate writing sad works, but occasionally I do it.


End file.
